hate the upcoming ndp... coz... i know he will be watching with another girl.. i will be watching alone... =(

watching spongebob no longer makes me laugh.. it onli brought heartache n tears to me... coz all i see n hear are ur boyish laughter.. =(

You... Me... Her... Us...

I am still in a dilemma of whether to hate you or make peace with you... haiz... just why am i still so bother over you... especially in the night...

I know that this just means that I haven let go of you... but believe me... i am really trying so hard to forget your existence... yet... small little things n places we've been just reminds me of you.. of us...

I have to move ahead... I know you had long moved on... You found someone new... you found someone new before we broke up... haiz...

as much as I tell myself not to bother... my heart aches... i am angry... yes... angry with you.. angry with myself...

the only way I know to not pin on you is to waste my nights in clubs n drinks... and thats the only way...

3yrs n 6mths...

How long will I take to move on??

heart pain

Finally i had broke down... The things that my mum done in my room... Was the last straw that pissed me off...

the pressure n the emotions that i had been suppressing for the past few months juz exploded...

I cant believe that until today... I m still thinking of him... Cant believe that i can still feel that he is doing some stupid thing that i dun like...

I somehow know n feel that he is attached with another girl already... N i have this gut feeling that it happened long before we decide to break... I know its none of my business any more... I have no rights be to bother with wad he is doing now... But why m i feeling so hurt?? Why does it feels like my heart is breaking up into pieces??

Msged him on mon to get my things back... At first... I planned to get back my stuff after my exams... But the moment i tot that he n his new gf might use my stuffy to do stupid... I was disgusted... I get this feeling that he does not want to meet me to return my things... To me its fine... I can always get someone to collect on my behalf... i juz want to faster get my things back... Thats all... Then he can go n do wadever things he wan with his new gf..

Been telling myself to concentrate on my studies... Exam is next week... But my mind will juz drift away... The news just showed the new theme of this year ndp... My heart aches again... Coz.. We went for the ndp together last year... =(

Haiz...

I have to move on... I have to get use of being alone... I have to get use of carrying all my troubles n worries by myself...

Yet.. Why is it so hard to do so...

13th may coming soon... Will he even remember wad day it is?? Haiz...

decided to delete my previous post...

i cant cry out... i had cooled down after my outrage...

for some ridiculous reasons... i actually felt very sad... i know i shldn't... but i m feeling sad...

after looking at the photos we took over the past 3 n half years... i realised that i do love him.. with all my heart... but i cannot forgive him for cheating on me... i cant forgive and forget... but i still love him... and realli tried very hard to make it work.. but... that video in his hp was the last straw...

i was silly... i shld have left him 2 years ago... but i din.. i wan to believe that he realli will change... and that ultimately... i m the one he loves.... no matter what other pple say how bad he is... i still stick with him... coz i love him.. haiz..

he was a good bf.. took care of my needs and wants in everyway possible... really... all the way to monetaries term... but... still.. just that he cheated on me... that overturns all the goods he done... does he realli loves me?? i m beginning to doubt... maybe becoz i cannot forget that he two-timed me... for countless times...

i realised that i need a man who can stay faithful to me... i need a man i can completely trust... i need a man who would not hurt me in anyway...

not a man who cheated on me.. and lied to me in so many ways... not a man who mis-used my trust to fool ard...

i know i have to start keeping the memories i had with him behind me... i know he will not be there when i need him anymore.. i know i m on my own already... its juz that.. i had forgotten now to be independent after a almost 4 years relationship... i will be fine.. i have to be fine and move on...

i will pick up myself after this fall... i m hurt... but i will nurse my own wounds...

wish you well no matter wad... i will not contact u anymore... i will try to erase u frm my memories... bye...

Relationships between humans are getting more and more complicated..

I no longer understand what is going on in everyone's mind...

I need a break... a long break from all this...

using jer's laptop now...

it had been an up and down chinese new year... drama i must say....

driving ard was fun... especially driving ard to frens' hse in the middle of the night juz to gamble... =p

and yes... i lost money... but my lost on the table was considered peanuts... haha... anyway.. its for the fun only....

steamboat at baozhu's hse was realli fun... even though i was crying like hell before the dinner.. tried very hard not to show it and enjoy the gathering already...

almost tio summon when the bunch of us went to serangoon garden for a drink and parked illegal outside the private hsing... lucky i went down to my car for awhile... lucky i saw the cops.. lucky i called the guys... lucky no summon... hahaa... lucky eh~

anyway.. have to stop all gambling session already.... coz.. no.1 no money already... no.2 exams coming... like wad ivan said.. even its abt 100days away.. but u are not going to study everyday.. so that will leaves abt 30 days to study... lol...

btw... juz found out 2 days ago that ivan is my senior in kcp.. haha...

and to you.... i know i will be spending this valentines alone.. haiz... i know you will not understand why i m upset... i oso dun wan to explain why le.. its juz... haiz... alone alone... haiz...

In sch now....

yes yes yes... i know i haven been updating~ hey~ laptop's down k... i am so cut off from the world... haiz.. especially now.. at this time.. i realli need a laptop to divert my attention away frm certain problems...

giving thanx to my frens for listening and accompanying me for the past 2 weeks.. especially zhu... *hugs*

keeping myself very very busy... studying~ sching~ tuitioning~ slacking outside of home~

CNY's coming~ yes boring time...

BUT!!!! i m going to fill up my 15 days with stuff... all the way frm day 1 to day 15...

Trying hard to move on with my life... since i cant run anymore... i have to face it...