我怀念的

This song speaks of how i had been feeling this past week...

我怀念的　

我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白
你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得 谁忘了

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥
谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座 假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以我 没有哭 没有说

Exam is over.. finally..

i need a job bad.. i need money.. i need the heaven to rain money on mi...

i wan to save money.. for so many things..

most impt thing is to go on a trip out of singapore!!! i need a break so badly for so many things.. haiz..

anyone got job lobang??

yes... its 8 in the morning.. damn early for a person who knock out at 4am and woke up at 5.30am.. haiz.. cant get much slp recently.. nth that i studied remains in my head... haiz...

starting to have this full realisation that.. i failed in a lot of things... such as?

i failed as a student in my studies...

i failed as an employee when i was working...

i failed as a member of my family...

i failed as a girlfriend in my relationship...

i failed as a woman in myself...

overall.. i m pretty much a failure rite...haiz...

recently too many things happened... and closing one eye does not seems to be a solution anymore... its a time for an ultimate... haiz..

anyway.. saw sth interesting in weiling's blog... pasting them here.. enjoy reading..

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Full name: Leow Wei Ting Esther
Sex : Female
Place of birth : K.K Hospital, Singapore
Hair colour : dark brown
Eye colour : dark brown
Height : 5'6
Writing hand : Right
What do you want in a relationship? : Faithfulness and honesty
Siblings? : younger brother
Do you plan on having children? : See how lah..
Do you want to get married? : Depends...
How old do you want to be when you have your first child? : I have no idea...
How old do you want to be when you get married? : Again it depends...
Would you have kids before you are married? : Depends oso...
Where would you go on your honeymoon? : Barcelona, n somewhere that snows..
Music/TV? : both
Guys/Girls? : Guys.
Summer/Winter? : Winter
Hangin out/ Chillin? : Both
Night/Day? : Night
You know I'm around when you hear? : hear?? hear wad??
How far on a first date? : as far as i m comfortable with.. i guess.. but definiately nth overbroad will happen..
Is it ok to flirt when you have a bf/gf? : NO!!!
Are you happy? : at the moment? no...
Love or lust? : love
Silver or gold? : sliver
Diamonds or pearls? : Diamonds are a girls best frens...
Sunrise or sunset? : both...
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : yup.. baby eeyore...
What colour underwear are you wearing right now? : hmmm... that for mi to noe.. for u to find out...
What song are you listening to right now? : nth...
What are the last four digits of you phone number? : 2572
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? : hopefully him...
Do you wear contacts or glasses? : both...
Worst sickness you have ever had? : chicken pox... gastric flu..
Do you like funny/scary/romance movies better? : funny
Hugs or kisses? :Hugs together with kisses...
Do you have any enemies? : mi? are u kidding?? of coz!!
What time is it in Singapore now? : 5.05am
Have you ever been in love? : Yes
Last time you talked to the person you fancy? : abt 6 hours ago..
Do you have any pets? : yup.. my dearest pom pom.. baby von...
Whats the last item of jewellery you take off at night? : my ring
Do you bite your nails? : no.. never...
Can you roll your tongue? : yup
Can you blow spit bubbles? : nope
Can you cross your eyes? : Yup
Do you make your bed daily? : well.. every other day... haha...
Whats sexiest on a guy? : his dimples
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? : Twirl
Do you cook? : yesh..
How often do you have a bath? : everyday.. as long as i started to feel sticky...
How long do these baths last? : 5 mins to an hour.. depends on my mood...
Do you swear? : Yes
Sleepwalk? : yup... happens once every other year...
Talk in your sleep? : i duno.. u tell mi..
Sleep with a light on? : nope...

When was the last time you...
Watched bambi : Ages ago...
Cried : last week...
Talked on the phone : abt 6 hours ago
Read a book and what was it : yup... its abt how much i have in my bank...

Do you like...
Rap : no
Rock : yes
Hip-hop : no
Dance/RnB : yes
Pop : yes
Jazz : yes
Classical : yes

What do you notice first on a person? : collarbone
Do you have a crush on anyone? : nope
Do they know? : never..
Who can you talk to about anything? : baozhu, eileen, grace, xinyu..
Could you live without the computer? : i duno..
Whats your favourite fruit? : nth particular
Trust others way too easily? : at times

Number...
Of times you have had your heart broken : lost count...
Of hearts you have broken : 3 i think.. i duno...
Of boys kissed : hmmm...
Of drugs taken illegally : none
Of CDs owned : how to count sia...

Other things...
I want : the plane that courier my exam papers to crash n burn!!!
I need : dada to come over now...
I have : to start mugging for my last paper...
I wish : i dun have to take exams and to have a memory lost...
I hate : being cheated on...
I get annoyed when : stupid things juz popped into my head...
I confuse : myself alot..
I cry : last week.. more to come...

Are you...
A wuss : No
A daydreamer : At times
Sarcastic : All the time
A goody goody : No way..
Evil : I can be.. so dun force me...
A good friend : i hope so..
Shy : No..
Spoilt : Spoilt? no i m still in one piece and functions well... lol... k lah.. i dun think i m spolit.. no one to spolit mi anyway...

Finished two papers so far.. going to fail so far... haiz.. anyway... 3 more to go.. haiz..

i broke my hp.. LCD screen cracked.. all the 'juice' flowed out... haiz... anyone kind enuff to sponsor me a new hp?

anyway.. dada came to meet mi after my paper yest.. went to La.viva.. got a free dinner frm robin.. MEAT PAELLA!!!! haha.. got free drinks too.. somemore my meat paella is special one... reason? coz now the size of the paella pan is reduce by half le.. the old size ones are not sold anymore.. but i've got the original size one... haha... big portion of food!!! yum yum... (this new girl working was stunned when she took the paella out for us..) hee...

i seriously think next time mi n dada shld not go dwn to La.viva during operation hours.. coz.. almost all the staff will sit dwn and tok to us.. like no need to work already... lol...

Seems that i have no one else to talk to le.. so i talk in here ba... at else.. no one will say things to upset mi or make mi feel bad..

seriously speaking...

whether i m self pitying or wad... i realli feel useless.. i realli have no confidence of passing tml's econs paper... or in fact any paper at all... i know.. mayb i well deserve that.. coz i had no been having the heart to study since the start of my study year.. but.. i had been trying very hard these few mths to pick up everything for the course that i had not pick to study..

yet.. no one recognises my effort at all.. no one.. not my family.. not my close ones...

all i wan was some assurances.. juz a bit..

mayb.. i shld realli give up on my exams already... but.. can i?? i know i have a lot of choices.. i know.. but can i realli make those choices? can i?

the ans.. i cant.. its juz not possible at all..

fine.. all tat i wrote might be self pity.. but i m realli up to my brim.. i m scared to death now.. haiz...

will there be anyone who will understand mi n not condemn mi?

many times.. i realli wish i could juz let my hands go.. juz give up everything.. wished that i had exchanged place with my bro or he is still here with mi? would life had been different? haiz...

anyway... no one cares abt mi already...

got one good news n one bad news...

let listen to the bad news 1st ok? (of coz ok.. my blog.. my say...muahaha...)

bad news is i realli cannot cope with my studies le... econs is killing mi.. n i haven even touch maths at all...

so my bad news is.. my 1st year's exam is gone case..

ok.. good news now...

hehe...

finally after 21 years... n 3 bad teachers.. i finally learnt how to ride a bicycle... hehee.. all thanx to dada... i m so proud.. coz i learnt how to balance, brake, turn n ride in 40 mins.. haha...

hahahahahahahhahahaaaa....

Journey

Was listening to this song.. somehow.. this songs seems to be speaking to me.. i really hope that he will stand by my side still.. but haiz... who am i to hope for anything now...


Journey - Corrinne May

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe

When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
rifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

angry.. i m angry with myself.. angry with myself for not able to take on anymore pressure already.. family, school, relationship, money...

so have i made the right decision to let go? even now it is done.. i know i cannot turn back already.. but i m having doubts on myself...

i juz cant stop crying... the yearn suddenly strikes me...

i duno if i should feel regretful that i had made that decision.. or if that is the right decision that i shld made...

i m confuse.. n i juz have no one to confide to now already... haiz..

i m angry.. very angry with myself... i guess i juz crashed...

today... 19th April 2007 08.39pm... then i know... TPAG, formly known as TPGE, had offically closed down le.. *sob* happened some time ago.. n i only know now... NOW!!!!

sad.. damn sad.. i was not even inform by anyone...

sad... sad...

double sad.. double blow... after the morning incident.. haiz...

not been feeling too well these few days... life kinda sux too.. pple in the working world got pay cut.. i got allowance cut.. juz after my mum announce this 'news' to mi.. my dear N70 screen spoilt again.. for the 3rd time after sending for servicing twice... haiz.. i need money... big time money...

'dear lord.. please start raining cash can??'

haiz...

today.. finally i fulfiled my wish... haiz.. after a long 15 years.. finally.. realli felt a big burden taken off me... =)

but.. i was equally sadden today.. by the fact that knowing how much this thing means to me but yet can say such things to me.. haiz... ='(

suan le..

now...

i need to fix my hp...

btw.. i m planning to sell cookies... try try 1st.. any buyers??? haha...

We are gambling every single day...

How is that so??

Life is itself a gamble.. a gamble of choices... but.. whether u win or lose.. you have to bear all the consequnces yourself..

In my situtation.. wad will my final bet be? will it be a winning bet or a sure-lose bet?

Juz came back frm sch.. long day.. tired... haven been slping well...

haiz..

Esther.. you have got to think carefully what you want... haiz... i hate these kind of complicated situation.. y m i always involved in this kind of dilemma? *cry*

Think.. esther.. think... consider carefully...

i m not angry... realli.. juz felt sad... n disappointed....

wanted to cry.. but juz cannot...

this had happened too many times... perhaps.. i m tired of it le..

promises are not kept.. then why in the 1st place promised mi.. n kept re-assuring mi when i m re-cfming ur promises...

is there still any hope? haiz....

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Life is all abt ass;
You're either covering it,
laughing it,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
behaving like one,
or you live with one!!

sth hilarious happened today.. hahaha... juz thinking of it now.. i juz cannot stop luffing...

ok.. this is wad happened...

went over to bishan to meet zhu today from dear's hse... sat at our usual coffeeshop spot.. n the usual chit chat.. makan.. blah blah blah.. then as we were abt to leave... zhu's bag slipped frm the bench n dropped on the floor... after picking up.. i left the table 1st assuming zhu will b right behind mi.. but when i turned ard.. she was no where behind mi.. realised that she was still at the table.. i wondered wad happened... haha.. then she took out her wallet.. n poured out water from her wallet... hahaha... i was stunned on the spot...

apparently.. when she dropped her bag.. her water bottle cap opened... everything in her bag was 'swimming'... haha...

opps.. i very bad hor.. keep luffing at other pple.. =p anyway.. zhu noes that i will blog this incident up... haha... but realli funny can.. especially the way zhu took out her things frm the bag n everything thing she took out was 'leaking'... =p...

hee...

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YELLOW

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

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