.....

enuff is enuff... tat's the last straw... i m moving out... where? duno... dun bother to care anymore... even if i slp on the street.... i will still moved out... y... y did i wan to wait until today... juz wad is wrong wif her? say i bastard... useless.. failure... fine... i m... i m one useless bastard who fails in everything i do.... ok... happy?? everyone... happy??? i fail in everything in my life... in every aspect... my studies... my love life... my social life... my family life... anyway... wun b online for the next few days unless i can find internet access... ya... dun b surprise to find mi slping on he street... coz i haf no intention of going to my relatives hse...

Sway~~

going to work = sian... basket... tot MIA for more than 10days liao... office shld b packed... but... never... boss called mi to his office... files n files of works were stacked into my hands...

n was kanna accused by sth i din do... fuck it.. i hate being accused of sth i din do... realli feel like quitting...but i noe i cant... no job no $$... cannot move out...

but wad did i owe this world man... wad sway n bad things happened one after another... n it seems no end... haiz...

come back hm... oso c one black face...

m still thinking of wad i shld do... can i hope for the best?? mayb not... since negative things had been happening non-stop... =(

wad the....

damn it!!!! Β????ʇ??˭ȇ˭???????? realli loh... it had been almost 2 n a half years... been going to GE every mon n thurs... no change... today come n scold mi... say wad... never tell her i go GE... wtf!!!

wad do i owe all these pple sae... all of them... family... fren... n... argh... *bang wall*... someone juz kill mi... i will b grateful to u eternally...

haiz... anyway... watched 2 movie... madagascar n monster in laws... not bad...

was abled to wear one of my very very old jeans... i bought since sec 1... last time is can wear cannot zip... now is can wear can zip n still got space... measure waist... 25... hmm.... no wonder my 29 levis jeans can pull dwn liao...

anyway... was realli fuck up... realli realli fuck up... argh!! i wan to move out...

i will b saint soon...

hmm... din eat again... 2 days liao... wonder if i can break anymore record... weighed myself in one of the hotels in china... currently... i m at an amazing weight of 53kg... yup... i m shock too... julie still say wan to pump in her fats to mi... =.=" dun wan...

hmm.. now i m still think... wad shld i do... to do.. or not to do... hai... bang wall... do le... wad will happened next... if dun do... wad else shld i do... argh... fan ah~~

realli hope tat my brain is a hard-ware... can reformat when there is prob... haiz...
mum is crazy again... how long do i haf to continue living wif her? to b controlled by her? i wan my life back... is tat too much to ask... she had taken too much things away frm mi le... i wan them back... all of them...

oya... juz know tat AGM change date... 9th June, thur now... all are still invited...

Back to square 1???

touched dwn on 27th may... 09.10pm....

enjoyed this trip?? no.... juz haf no mood to go ard appreciate the culture or scenery....

din buy alot of stuff... juz for some close fren ba... went to DFS... bought some liquor... but not for my own consumption... for someone else...

wasn't in my best of mood when i touched dwn... n returned hm... mummy went crazy again...
intended to take leave tomolo... not in a state to go to work anyway... not only juz sick... but... haiz... juz got no mood to go to work... no work.. no money... but who cares...

hmm... i m back to the beginning... alone by myself again... strange? yay... feels strange... got to get used to it... got no more family there for mi... frens? they r always there beside mi... but... well... its still diff ba...

hmm... haven eat a single thing since yest morning.... ok lah... have lah... chewing gum... hmmm... strangely... i dun feel hungry at all...

kbox or movie 2molo?? anyone on??

leaving now...

hmm... i m at Changi airport terminal 2's mac now... going to board in soon... very tired... din realli slp... duno how m i going to so-called enjoy myself in this trip...

been actually pulling a long face from the moment i got out of my bed... even now... i realli duno cannot smile anymore.. or shld i sae.. i duno how to smile anymore.. i cant pull on tat "entertaining pple" smile to anyone...

many pple wished mi bon voyage... n to enjoy my trip... but the person i hope to hear frm the most did not sae anything... mayb i m juz plain dumb... i duno...

hmm... gtg... ciao..

leaving with a broken heart...

fly off to china 2molo le... coming back on 28th may nite time... actualli i got no mood to leave the country...

i cried... i had finally cried after 4 days... my heart is broken... realli broken... y.. y treat mi this way... shld i start to hate? i dun wan...

so wan to go the seaside walk walk... been wanting to go since sat... but... haiz... juz din go... too many memories there... i scare lata i realli walk into the sea...

b4 i leave... wan to sae thnx to frens who cared... sry.. let u all worry...

beTa Off DeAd..

remembered wad a fren said to mi a few nites... "u r a strong ger... u can one.. not a weakling like mi.. u cannot b weak... u can make it" y cant i b weak? cant i falter?

life had been sweet n bitter... more of sweet or bitter? some asked mi... i duno... i cant gauge anymore...

i m such a disgrace to women... i had lost my independence... and became dependence on someone... but now how m i going to regain my independence again...

fuck up... wads wrong wif pple today... boss sae wan to speak to evonne... ok... fine... i pass the fone to her... 1st time... she dun answer mi.. so i waited awhile... 2nd time i called her... she was actually show mi her anger... wtf... after answering the call... she still like very fed up n transfer the call to the other boss... basket... grumbled abt something under her breathe somemore...
wad had i done wrong??? wad the hell is wrong wif this world?? wad the hell is wrong wif all this pple?? fuck up... why is it that when i m being nice... pple juz dun return mi wif the same courtesy... every one... all the same...

now come n sry to mi... wads the use? sae sry got use... still have police for wad...

come to think of it... life hasn't been kind to mi... in every single way... once tot tat having him in my life... was the best thing tat had ever happened to mi... but i guess i was wrong... life will NEVER b kind to mi... wad had i done in my previous life to deserve all these treatments?

i noe i shld not n cannot let my heart feel this way anymore... realli need someone to gimmi one tight slap to wake mi up.... haiz... sad... heart pain... haiz...

LOst in the DaRKness...

heart feels very heavy... yet.. its empty... its juz like there is someone living wif u for a long time... yet... suddenly left... like a hse left vacant... lost my sense of direction.. clueless... aimless...

realli wan to cry... but juz cannot cry out... i juz the sky cried on my behalf last nite...

WeLComE baCk to ThE sINgleS' ClUb~~~

i guess its a bad day to start a nice morning... haiz... a little unexpected things happened... duno how shld my feelings be...

=>sad?? = tat a relationship had ended bitterly?

=>angry?? = tat he onli care abt himself?

=>happy?? = tat i regain my single life?

haha... duno... ironic.. alot of pple are breaking up recently... i guess i have to follow the trend...
any guys wanna date mi now?? i m available~~

my ideal guy...
1. at least 180cm.. muz b 10cm taller than mi... i 170cm... haha
2. muz b tanned... got muscles??
3. muz b a accountable man... who keeps ALL of his promises... cannot neglect mi... for wadever bloody reasons....
4. Punctuality... i had enuff of endless waiting...
5. muz finished serving ur NS..

yup... tats abt it... if got anymore i will add on lata...

went out wif zhu... go town to look at guys... all cmi... haiz... nowadays... the male breeds are getting frm bad to worst...

oya... saw a couple of shuai eurasian guys yest... got this one guy so cute.. half a head taller than mi when i m wearing heels... haha.. wonder if can bump into this guy on mon...

what~~~~

What's the story behind your name?
=] duno... chinese=some fortune teller thingy ba... english=frm the bible...

What do you like doing when you're sad?
=] on some music... n go to billy's blog to listen to tat tune...

What do you want to name your futurechild/children?
=] duno... din tot of it...

What makes you nervous?
=] hmm... now... i duno...

What makes you cry?
=] hmm... wad else... but nowadays... i seemed to ran out of tears...

Longest trip you've taken?
=] taken ar? can b abt to take anot? if can.. then china loh... if not is jakata...

Your wish when you last blew your birthday candles?
=] cant rem... the last time i blew my candles i was 8...

Do you follow fashion trends?
=] not realli... i m rather slow in fact...

Have you ever ran away?
=] no.. but i wan to...

Have you ever intentionally ignoredsomeone?
=] ya.. but i wished i need not do it... but.. haiz....

For how long?
=] duno...

Have you ever went on a romantic date?
=] ya... once ba... long long ago......

When was the last time you received a love letter?
=] eh... never... anyone wan to write mi one?

When was the last time you wrote a loveletter?
=] din... my handwriting not nice...

If you could spend a whole week anywhere u want, where would you go?
=] barcelona... if not... somewhere near the sea ba...

What do you think of your past?
=] my past? i duno.. sad... dark... lonely... unloved?

How did you spend yesterday?
=] working... playing game... waiting... and receive $$...

What time did you go to bed last night?
=] 1pluz in the morning ba...

Who was the last person who said "good night" to you last night?
=] baozhu...

What time did you wake up this morning?
=] 8 pluz... then pop back to sleep again... then wake up at 10 pluz... then slumbered back to my sleep again...

Do you know what woke you up?
=] my bio clock....

Who was the first person you saw this morning?
=] eh... no one... 1st one to c mi ah... yenting ba... but thats in the afternoon le...

What did you have for breakfast?
=] nth....

What was the first song you listened to today?
=] hao xiang ni by jolin cai yi ling...

What did you have for dinner last night?
=] nth...

Did you go anywhere today?
=] my toilet, bedroom, sengkang mrt station, douby gaut mrt station, P.S, GV plaza, starbucks, back to douby gaut mrt station, sengkang mrt station then back home...

Did you make/receive any phone calls today?
=] duh~

What did u wish for when you woke up thismorning?
=] nth...

What is ur plan right now?
=] duno... sleep ba....

Are u thinking about someone?
=] ya... but i noe i shld not...

Done something for myself....

got my salary... watch hse of wax today... finally caught a movie after so long... show not bad... lame... gross.. violent... i like... =p... shopped ard in PS... think leon was very bored.. haha.. mayb shopping realli dun suit guy at all...

hmm... bought a new heels... was determined to get myself something to pamper myself... since no one pampers mi anymore... oya.. on june 10th... TPGE got a mini concert cum AGM... all are invited... =)...

one more thing... Phua Chu Kang musical... who wan to acc mi to watch?

hmm...

PURE ANGER!!!!!!

i m angry... realli angry... after reading what i stumbled on... i m boiling mad... pure anger... i realli duno wad to do... had never been so angry since sec sch days... thats the last straw!!!

lots of dunos....

[x] are u single, married or taken ?
- `duno...

[x] have u ever been deeply in love ?
- ` yes...

[x] are u currently in love ?
- ` duno...

[x] with ?
- ` duno...

[x] have u ever had a bad relationship ?
- ` duno...

[x] how old were u when u started dating ?
- ` eh... not too old not too young...

[x] are u predictable ?
- ` predictable? as in?

[x] do u like surprises ?
- ` pleasant ones... once in a while ok...

[x] u think friends can become lovers ?
- ` if enermies can become lovers.. y frens cannot?

[x] u think lovers can become friends ?
- ` duno... mayb ba...

[x] what are u willing to do for love ?
- ` duno.. anything everything ba...

[x] have u ever had an ex u wanted to kill ?
- ` not realli....

[x] how is she/he now ?
- ` still well n alive...

[x] have u ever been hurt ?
- ` ya...
[x] have u ever hurt anyone ?
- ` mayb i did... unknowingly... sry ok...

[x] do u forgive and forget ?
- ` i will forgive but never forget...

[x] is love lovelier the 2nd time around ?
- ` no... not for my case anyway...

[x] fling or long term relationships ?
- ` long term relationships... mayb will go for flings in future...

[x] are u for commitments ?
- ` duno...

[x] are u easy to love ?
- ` duno...

[x] are u a good friend ?
- ` definitely....
[x] how long was ur longest relationship ?
- ` 1 yr..

[x] what's the shortest ?
- ` a few months..

[x] is there one person that has hurt u the most ?
- ` yes...

tired...

started working... been very tired... both physcially n mentally.... wad shld i do.. every morning... i juz dun wan to wake up for work... sometimes realli hope tat i can juz sleep my life awhile... no need to spent energy on thinking so much... every dream in my mind will always be perfect...